


So Silver, So Exact

by alephnull



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Body Worship, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Bottom Sirius Black, D/s undertones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Mirror Sex, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Sexual Content, Top Remus Lupin, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:55:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29434197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alephnull/pseuds/alephnull
Summary: Remus takes care of Sirius.Set sometime duringHarry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 101





	So Silver, So Exact

Remus kneels on the bed, biting his lip nervously as he looks at himself in the wall-length mirror charmed to stand upright at the foot of the bed. The mirror offers a clear view of the bed and of Remus.

Remus has done his best with Sirius’ room whilst Sirius has been gone. Sirius is spending time with Harry right now—Remus isn’t exactly sure what they’re doing, but he’s just happy that Sirius has something to do, something to keep his mind busy.

Remus hasn’t been able to remove the posters of scantily clad Muggle women on the walls. They had been quite funny when Remus and Sirius first moved into Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, but the blank stares of various buxom ladies has started to get on both Remus and Sirius’ nerves. It almost feels like there are other people in the room.

However, Remus has managed to charm the velvet curtains to be red-and-gold, changed the wallpaper to match, and generally tried his best to brighten up the room he knew made Sirius so miserable. It would be best for Sirius’ mental health—and for everyone’s mental health by extension—if Sirius didn’t have to stay in this Merlin-damned house, but Dumbledore’s orders are Dumbledore’s orders, and if nothing else, at least Sirius won’t be captured—or worse—if he stays here.

Still, Remus can’t exactly say that Sirius is _safe_ here. He’s not safe when this house and all the trauma it holds is destroying Sirius’ health every day. He’s not safe when he wakes up in cold sweats, when he has panic attacks in the middle of the day, when there are days when Sirius won’t even get out of bed and can’t even bear to open his eyes to look at the house he’s in. The situation reminds Remus of the First War, when Remus and Sirius were falling apart and there was nothing Remus could do to save them, no matter how strong their love for each other.

Remus hopes, then, that this will at least help.

Ever since Azkaban, Sirius has always avoided mirrors. Remus has noticed.

When Sirius first arrived at Remus’ cottage, Remus had fixed Sirius’ teeth with a spell, and carefully washed and untangled Sirius’ hair. Remus even took Padfoot shopping for shampoos and conditioners once, remembering how much care Sirius had given his hair before Azkaban. Remus used to find it a bit ridiculous, how long Sirius would spend in the shower, and how many hair products were lying around their shared flat, but now, Remus would give anything to have that Sirius back. These days, Sirius doesn’t show any interest in excessive hair products—he doesn’t seem to show much interest in his appearance at all.

Remus remembers when he first saw Sirius walk past a mirror after Azkaban. Sirius had physically recoiled and gone sickly pale when he saw his reflection. It made Remus want to wrap Sirius up in blankets, hold Sirius together, heal all the cracks and fissures beneath Sirius’ skin.

And Sirius’ thing with mirrors isn’t the only thing. Sirius is just so quiet these days. He doesn’t quite meet Remus’ eyes, seems to be uncomfortable with the fact that he takes up space, always curling in on himself. The worst is when Sirius cries, which he seems to do at random intervals; Sirius will sometimes spontaneously shake with tears, and Remus can do nothing but hold him. Slowly, Remus has been able to coax words out of Sirius. Sometimes Sirius will tell Remus that it’s about James and Lily—Sirius still blames himself for what happened, and Remus wishes there was something, _anything_ he could say to convince Sirius it wasn’t his fault—or sometimes it’s about Harry, or sometimes it’s about the damn house and all the terrible memories in it. It’s even worse when there are no tears though, when Sirius just curls up and shakes silently, like he’s trying to stop existing.

There was once a time when Remus and Sirius were young and naïve, and Remus thought he could protect Sirius from anything: from his family, from the War, from his own dark moods. Sirius probably thought the same about protecting Remus. How could they have been foolish enough to believe that two people can take on the world and win?

Now, though, all Remus can do is little acts like this. This won’t fix anything, but it at least might dull the pain for a short while, and that’s more than Remus can ask for, really.

The door opens as Sirius comes back to their room. Remus gets off the bed, standing up with a warm smile.

“Hey,” Remus greets softly.

Sirius returns the smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Hi, Moony.”

Remus steps forwards, cupping Sirius’ face in his palm, and leans down a little to press their lips together. Remus wraps an arm around Sirius’ waist and feels the other man relax as the warmth of the kiss spreads through Sirius’ body.

“I love you,” Remus says.

“Love you too.”

Remus strokes his thumb across Sirius’ cheek for a moment, before nodding to the bed.

“Take your clothes off. I want to show you something,” Remus says.

Sirius grins then, looking Remus up and down lecherously.

“Oh, you dirty werewolf. Can’t even be around me for a few minutes before trying to take my clothes off.”

Remus rolls his eyes fondly, waiting for Sirius to be naked. Remus keeps his clothes on.

With one hand on Sirius’ shoulder and the other on his waist, Remus guides Sirius over to the bed. The two men climb onto the sheets and, as Remus expected, Sirius flinches when he catches sight of himself in the mirror. Sirius shifts uncomfortably, as though thinking of moving off of the bed, but Remus holds Sirius in place with a gentle but firm hand. Remus lets his other hand rub soothing circles up and down Sirius’ upper arm.

“I want you to look at yourself.”

“Remus…”

“Do it. For me, Sirius.”

Sirius stands on his knees as he faces the mirror, naked body reflected at him. Remus kneels behind Sirius, head peeking over Sirius’ shoulder, hands calmly roaming Sirius’ skin.

Remus takes a breath, and begins.

Pressing a kiss to the shell of Sirius’ ear, Remus whispers, “You’re so handsome. Look at your face, Sirius.” Remus starts to kiss down Sirius’ stubbled jawline. “And your jaw… It’s as sharp as it always was. Remember when all of Hogwarts used to swoon at this jawline?”

Sirius breathes silently as Remus pulls back, looking at Sirius’ face in the mirror. Sirius looks unhealthy; there’s no denying that. There are dark lines beneath Sirius’ eyes, and his bones still jut out at alarming angles. But Sirius still looks lovely—he really does. Remus is still as weak as he’s always been for Sirius’ soft pink lips, his elegant, sloping nose, and the graceful arch of his eyebrows over steel grey eyes.

Remus places his index finger over Sirius’ bottom lip, rubbing gently before pushing into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius sucks on it, tongue swirling around Remus’ fingertip.

“You’re beautiful,” Remus breathes. “I mean it. Your face… It’s still the same shape. Can you see it too?”

Sirius looks into the mirror then, as though searching for something.

“A little bit,” he admits.

Remus turns Sirius’ head towards his for a kiss, soft and warm with the slide of their lips.

“I hope you’ll soon be able to see it completely,” Remus says, pulling away and guiding Sirius’ gaze back to the mirror.

Remus continues down Sirius’ body, pressing kisses and love down Sirius’ long neck and into the crook of his shoulder. Remus runs his hands across Sirius’ ribs; they protrude from his torso, countable beneath Remus’ fingers.

“You just need some good meals,” Remus says. “You’ll be fine.”

Sirius swallows then, and Remus watches the bob of Sirius’ Adam’s apple in the mirror.

Remus leans in to Sirius’ shoulder, nuzzling the base of Sirius’ neck, as he brushes his fingers over Sirius’ dark nipples. Sirius gasps quietly at the touch, spine arching forwards.

“So sensitive. So lovely,” Remus murmurs against the skin of Sirius’ neck, brushing his thumb over Sirius’ nipple again, eliciting a moan.

Remus turns his attention to Sirius’ arms then, running his hands over the slight curve of muscle beneath Sirius’ skin. Sirius doesn’t have his Quidditch body anymore, but there is still some definition beneath Remus’ roaming hands. Remus briefly frowns when he notes that the definition is probably just due to the lack of fat on Sirius’ body, but he clears his expression before it can alarm Sirius.

“So strong,” Remus says. “You’re sexy, Sirius.”

Sirius blushes at that, a lovely pink hue spreading across Sirius’ pale skin.

Remus telling Sirius he’s beautiful is one thing, but that’s not all—Remus needs Sirius to know that he still finds Sirius attractive, that he still desires Sirius even after all this time. After meeting everyone he’s met, and after a few good fucks while Sirius was in Azkaban, Sirius is still the most attractive person Remus has ever met. Sirius needs to know this.

Remus lets his hands descend then, exploring the expanse of Sirius’ abdomen, running his fingers through the smattering of dark hair trailing down. Remus wraps one hand around Sirius’ cock then, a pleasurable hum escaping from Sirius as he does this. Remus begins to pump his hand slowly.

“So wonderful. So good for me,” Remus says, inhaling the scent of his lover’s shampoo as he buries his face in Sirius’ neck.

Sirius whines as Remus twists his hand the way he knows Sirius likes it, massages Sirius’ strong thighs beneath his other hand.

“Moony,” Sirius gasps. “Moony, will you fuck me?”

Remus pulls his head back then, hand still on Sirius’ cock.

“That what you want?” he asks, meeting Sirius’ eyes in the mirror.

“Yes,” Sirius says. “Please.”

Remus presses his lips to Sirius’ again, hand flying up to comb through Sirius’ hair.

“Of course,” Remus whispers. “You’ve been so good for me. Let me be good for you too.”

Remus takes a moment to rummage through the bedside drawer, retrieving a small bottle of lube. He smiles at Sirius. He’s never been able to deny Sirius anything. Sirius likes to give up control in bed, but it’s always Sirius who’s really in control—Remus will do anything to make Sirius smile.

Remus slicks up a finger with lube and presses his torso up against Sirius’ back. He traces the shapes of Sirius’ tattoos with one hand, and presses a finger into Sirius with the other. Low whimpers escape from the back of Sirius’ throat as Remus works his finger in and out, his other hand gently caressing the landscape of Sirius’ tattoos, a private cartography for Remus to study.

When Remus’ finger moves with relative ease, he adds another finger, peppering soft kisses beneath Sirius’ jaw, Remus’ face covered with Sirius’ long black hair. Remus thrusts his fingers slowly, scissoring them as Sirius’ muscles ease around Remus. Remus buries his fingers in to the knuckle and crooks them, searching for that bundle of nerves that makes Sirius see stars. Sirius shouts as Remus’ fingers brush against it, and Remus rubs against it again and again and again, until Sirius has fallen onto all fours and is gasping, sweat running down his forehead.

“Moony, please,” Sirius begs.

“Please what?” Remus asks evenly, head tilted knowingly to the side. “Use your big boy words, Sirius.”

“Please fuck me,” Sirius whines. “Put your cock in me, come on, I know you want to.”

Remus chuckles at Sirius’ babbling, stroking his dry hand against Sirius’ cheek.

Finally, Remus removes his fingers from Sirius, eliciting a groan from Sirius as he’s suddenly left empty. Remus takes off his trousers, pants, and shirt (he’s in too much of a rush to take off his socks) and spreads the lube onto his dick, gasping at the abrupt cold sensation.

Remus and Sirius both know there are spells for this, but they like the prep. Remus enjoys taking Sirius apart with his fingers, and Sirius enjoys being taken apart. It’s slow and it’s intimate in a way that using a spell to instantly do it just isn’t.

Sirius stills as Remus presses his cock against Sirius’ entrance. Remus places a hand on Sirius’ hip, thumb stroking reassuring circles.

“How are you doing?” Remus asks.

Sirius practically growls.

“I know you’re trying to be caring and all that, but _please_ , just hurry up and fuck me!”

Remus laughs. He supposes that answers the question.

His laugh is quickly swallowed as he presses into Sirius, the warmth and tightness enveloping Remus. Remus whines at the pressure all around his dick, the indescribable feeling of sliding against Sirius, Remus’ cock pressed against on all sides.

“You’re gorgeous like this,” Remus croaks, reaching forwards to gather Sirius’ hair and pull it away from his face. “Look at yourself.”

Remus pulls his hips back then before snapping them forwards, Sirius pressing his head down into the mattress and moaning obscenely.

“ _No_ ,” Remus says firmly, pulling Sirius’ head back up by his hair. “I want you to watch yourself get fucked.”

Sirius’ eyes go wide at the command. He stares at himself in the mirror.

Remus thrusts again, one hand gripping Sirius’ hips and the other reaching down to tug at Sirius’ cock. Sirius gasps, fucking into Remus’ hand and back against Remus’ cock.

 _Shit._ Sirius is so stunning like this, hair bouncing with Remus’ thrusts, pink lips drawn into a wanton O.

“You take my cock so well,” Remus praises. “You’re amazing. So good for me.”

Sirius tenses around Remus then, the way he always does when he’s about to come. Remus stills his hips and stops jerking Sirius off, instead letting his fingers form a ring around the base of Sirius’ cock.

“Say it,” Remus says. “Say that you’re wonderful and beautiful, and I’ll let you come.”

Sirius tears his eyes away from the mirror then, as if looking for somewhere to hide his face, but he can’t. He’s completely naked here, laid out bare before Remus, and Remus feels so lucky that Sirius chooses to do this for _Remus_.

Remus takes his hand off of Sirius’ hip and brings it up to stroke Sirius’ face the way he knows comforts Sirius.

“You can do it,” Remus encourages.

“I just— I know I’m not the same after Azkaban,” Sirius mumbles. “’M sorry. You deserve better.”

Remus frowns.

“That’s not what I asked you to say,” he says. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Padfoot. Don’t forget it. I love you, all of you, including the bits that you don’t love, including the bits that you don’t think are good enough.”

Sirius flushes deeply.

“I…”

Remus continues to stroke Sirius’ cheek.

“What was it you wanted me to say again?” Sirius asks smally.

“You can say _I’m gorgeous and wonderful and Moony loves me_.”

Sirius looks at himself in the mirror again, and then looks at Remus in the mirror. He stares into Remus’ reflection as he says, “I’m gorgeous and wonderful and Moony loves me.”

Remus breaks out into a brilliant grin then. He jerks Sirius off quickly, snapping his hips so that he hits Sirius’ prostate with every thrust, and Sirius comes with a deep groan, spurting all over his stomach and Remus’ hand. Remus fucks Sirius through his orgasm, feeling Sirius clench around Remus’ cock.

Sirius lies on the bed, ass up with Remus’ cock still embedded there, arms crumpled and boneless with Sirius’ head resting on top of them.

“How are you feeling?” Remus asks as Sirius comes down from his orgasm.

“Good,” Sirius answers easily. “Really good.”

Warmth blooms beneath Remus’ chest at the words.

“I love you, Moony,” Sirius says. “You can finish inside me, by the way.”

“You’re not too sensitive?”

“I’m fine. Just come for me, Remus, c’mon.”

Remus places both hands on Sirius’ hips, then, and keeps going. The little sharp breaths and moans that Sirius continues to make drive Remus over the edge, spilling into Sirius finally.

Sirius grumbles as Remus pulls out, waving his wand to clean up the two men and the sheets. Remus and Sirius curl up then, duvet covering them. Remus wraps his arms around Sirius from behind as they lie in bed and Remus presses kisses to the back of Sirius’ neck.

“I like what you’ve done with my room, by the way,” Sirius comments after a while of silence. “Although, I think this mirror should be returned to where it usually is. As lovely as that was, I don’t fancy watching myself sleep.”

Remus smiles, waves his wand, and moves the mirror back to where it usually stands.

“I still haven’t figured out how to get rid of all these women on the walls. I’m sure they’re all pleasant people, but it’s a little unsettling having all these spectators when we fuck,” Remus adds.

“Oh, you love it,” Sirius says. “Pervy werewolf.”

Remus snorts incredulously, running one of his hands through Sirius’ hair. Sirius leans in to the touch and they fall asleep like that, pressed against each other, garish Gryffindor colours all around them.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read OotP since I was 11 so all the knowledge used to write the context of this fic is from either fanfiction or the HP wiki
> 
> If you're reading this on the day this was published, then I am sorry that you are reading fanfiction on Valentine's Day
> 
> Title taken from The Hush Sound's _You Are The Moon_
> 
> [Reblog on tumblr](https://kitsnxcket.tumblr.com/post/643113630386241536/so-silver-so-exact-alephnull-harry-potter) & follow my [Wolfstar blog](https://lowatlupins.tumblr.com/)


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